Exhausted

I am absolutely exhausted. I think that's the right word I can use to describe it. I'm not tired or sleepy, like how you get when you've done lots of things or haven't slept enough. I'm just completely drained. And I have no idea why.

This has been going on for about or month or so now, and I find it extremely weird. I'm familiar with this kind of lack of energy, but it's something I used to struggle with back when I was heavily depressed. If you've had even a mild depression, then you probably know what I'm talking about. You're tired all the time, despite sleeping a lot and not doing much, and just getting out of bed seems like the hardest thing ever. I've always been fond of sleeping, but I could sleep for days back when I was depressed, and still be too tired to do anything. And that's what I'm dealing with now.

The problem is that I'm not depressed. Quite the opposite, actually, cause I am happy for the first time ever, and things are going great! So why I'm exhausted in that depressed kind of way is just beyond me. Everything makes me tired, which is kind of frustrating. Just going to town with mum is enough to send me into a coma when I get home, and these past weekends I've had to try and sneak home early when I've been out cause I just want to go home and go to sleep.

I had that problem yesterday as well, cause I had been tired all day, and I originally planned to just stay home and relax and go to bed early. But my lovely crew of friends wanted me to come out with them, so I caved and did. I had fun though! So I don't regret it. But I was so tired that I wanted to leave before they closed, and I almost had to plead with people to have them let me leave. And when I came home, a friend of mine was sleeping outside my door.. Now, he's one of my best friends, and I love him to death, and normally he's no trouble for me. He's a stubborn fuck, but I don't mind arguing with him on a normal day. Whenever he's out, he tends to walk home, no matter how drunk he is, and even though he always makes it home (he's got a skill for that), I always worry. So, normally I'll force him to get his ass on the couch and stay the night until he's sobered up. But, yesterday I was so exhausted that I didn't have the energy for that. I just let him leave. I felt bad, but I honstly was too exhausted to deal with him, or anything else for that matter. I crawled right into bed and called a friend of ours and told her what was going on, so that she'd maybe try and take care of him. Thank heavens for good friends.

But, yeah, this is becoming a rather serious problem for me, cause being this exhausted all the time is starting to seriously interfere with my life. I can't go out and have fun all night like I want to, I can't be there for my friends when they need me, I can't get things done around me. Hell, I can hardly make it out of bed in the morning! So, I'm considering trying to get an appointment to the doctor next week, to get a proper checkup and see if we can figure out why I'm so exhausted. Maybe it's just some vitamine shortage that can easily be fixed by taking vitamins? Or of it's something psychological, then I can at least try and sit down and figure out what's going on in my head and maybe fix things that way.


I wonder if it's related to my hunger problem? Cause I am hungry all the time as well. And I mean all the time. I eat a big dinner, and half an hour later I'm hungry again. If anyone talks about food near me, I get hungry. If I smell food I get hungry. I'm always hungry! It's super-annoying, cause having to make dinner every hour or so is tiresome and expensive.

My body is definitely going haywire. And the chaotic and strange dreams I've been having lately tells me that my head is just as bad. Seriously, what is going on with me? I've been like this for weeks now! I can feel that something's happening inside me, but I have no idea what.


Maybe it's just springtime affecting me? Or is it something else...?
To be honest, I haven't the slightest idea.