Rollercoaster head ftw! Lol, my head had a little date with a car window on Saturday, so I'm still seeing stars. No concussion though, which is good, but according to the doctor I'm probably still in shock, so I need to take it easy for a while. My head is totally out of it, and I can't seem to focus properly at all, and I've been like that since I woke up yesterday. The entire day yesterday I was so out of it that people kept asking me if I hadn't had enough sleep, or if I was drunk. I was totally lost. And I still am, but I do feel a bit better today. My head doesn't hurt quite as much as it did yesterday, and I have a bit more control over my head today.
I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out what to write here today though, cause the line of thought I had earlier last week is now completely gone. I have no idea what I was working on last week, when it comes to myself and my progress. I mean, I can hardly remember last week at all, which is a bit frustrating. And scary. But, that's my typical memory, I suppose.
I know that the last entry I made wasn't really a happy one, cause I was seriously down at the time and I had a major setback in my progress. And I know that I made a goal out of working out that setback of mine so I could keep moving forward. And I'm pretty sure I started on that. I think. Lol, I have seriously no idea. My entire week is just gone.
I do know that I've managed to sort through some stuff here in my apartment though! I fixed my chaotic jewelry mess, and I sorted through my Don Rosa collection, as well as move over all the stuff I had on my laptop, so those are things I can check off on my list of things to do. And I am, actually, feeling a lot better this week. I've managed to fight my way back to being a bit more on top of things and feel a bit more confident. I think I shot that submissive mask of mine, and burried it somewhere. And thank heavens I did, cause if I walk too long with that mask on, I get to the point where I start to think about ending my life. Sad, but true. I start thinking that I'm too worthless to live, so I look for ways to NOT live. But, I've managed to steer away from that line of thought.
I give myself peptalks on a regular basis, and even though it sounds silly, I can promise you that it helps. I'm forcing myself to keep a positive view on things, but repeating the same things over and over, to convince myself that I'm not worthless and that things will be alright. It's a type of self-hypnosis, which is something I've been writing about in my earlier entries. And it really does help. I think I must've done a lot of it last week, cause I'm feeling really great now. I'm back on my "don't give a fuck about what others think of me" wagon, which is my favourite wagon to be on cause it's one of my real ones. Deep down inside, the real me don't give a fuck. But my masks do, and since they've been in control of me all my life, I've been giving too much of a fuck.
This week I'll be working a bit more intensely on figuring out exactly why I keep letting those masks get the better of me, and learn to toss them away or bury them instead of letting them be in control of me. No mercy on the masks! I'm gonna dig myself out, no matter what.
But firstly, I'm gonna take today off and just chill.
I need it. And deserve it. So there.
26. mars 2012
18. mars 2012
I'm sorry. I've had a setback.
Definitely. Hit. A. Wall. Big time. And I still can't seem to figure out why. I can rule out PMSing, cause I got my period and I'm still moody as hell. I used to be like this back when I was depressed, but I really don't want to go down that road and believe that I am depressed again. There has got to be some other reason, and I just got to work harder to find it and solve it so I can go back to my usual pace of progress.
This past week my progress has gone from moving forward at a decent pace, to a slow halt, and then finally taking several steps back. A lot of the things I've worked hard for have slipped away from me this past week, and it's extremely frustrating. I've had a serious setback.
But, at least I have realized a couple of things, if nothing else.
You know, I was out drinking yesterday, and my god how I had missed going out. A bit strange, really, that I've gotten to such a point where I actually miss going out and being social, considering how anti-social I've been about 90% of my life. But, yeah, I had missed it. Though, I had trouble getting back into things, for some strange reason.
First off, last night almost didn't happen at all. I called a friend of mine, whom I always party with, and she was sick. She couldn't party with me. And my plans for the night died, which fuled that sadfaced virus that's been sucking on me this past week, and I totally hit the wall. Luckily, in the middle of my despair and going down dark roads of heavy thoughts, my sister called me and wanted me to come join her and her cousin. Literally saved my night, that did.
We had a lot of fun, and it turned into a rather big party after a while before we all went out. My sister's cousin (whom used to be my best friend when I was just a little kid, and whom I've always had a small crush on) was pretty drunk, and I ended up watching over her the entire night. I didn't really mind, cause she's nice, but somehow my night just turned out really weird. After she left, I did a quiet round around the club, before I walked home.
And that's when the alcohol decided it was time to punch that sadfaced virus of mine, and I had a typical drunk crying moment that lasted all the way from the gas station to my apartment, and halfway through eating the burger I had bought at the gas station. When I finally crawled into bed, I was totally beat.
Why was I crying? Because I hated myself. I got out my masks again last night, and the fact that I did was a fact that I hate. It was that submissive mask. The one I put on when I let the entire world dominate me and walk all over me, and I apologize for not being more pleasant to walk all over. Definitely the mask I hate the most, that. Met a guy that remembered me from back in the days when I used to work at a school cafeteria, and he kept calling me Anette, like most people had done that night. My name is Anett, and yet I didn't right him, or anyone else, the entire night. I didn't want them to feel bad for using the wrong name.
And at the gas station, I more or less apologized for every little thing I said and did. They work there, late at night, during the weekends, and they know that the only customers they'll be getting are drunk ones wanting burger. And I stood there, apologizing for ordering food in my drunk state. I apologized when I had to ask if the soda that came with the burger was the bottle kind or the cup kind. I was inches away from apologizing for breathing, or even existing at all. When I got my food, I aplogized for bothering them and slipped out the door as quickly and quietly as I possibly could, and made my way home.
I spent most of last night just apologizing.
Want to know a fun fact about me and how far I tend to stretch just to please others? I've tried hard to gain weight, just so that someone who had issues with their own weight would feel skinny next to me. I try to look ugly, so anyone with issues with their appearance will feel pretty next to me. I act dumb, just so that others can feel smart.
Earlier this week I bought a pair of jeans one size too big, cause me and my sister were trying them on in the same dressing room and that was the size she needed, and I know she has issues with her weight and her body so I didn't want her to feel bad by buying the jeans in a smaller size than she did.
My sister is so amazingly beautiful, and there is absolutely no part of her that is overweight in any way. I think she looks perfect. But she doesn't believe that, cause she's brainwashed by how the public displays "beauty" and is constantly trying to lose weight to meet those idiotic ideals. My ex was just like that, and probably still is. Weight issues. Caused by stupid idiots with a fucked up idea of what beauty is. Ticks me off, it does.
But, yeah, I do the same around my sister as I used to do around my ex. I try to be fat and ugly so that she can feel skinny and pretty.
I don't really know what to say about this. Honestly. I have no idea. This is how I've been my entire life. Apologizing for existing, and putting myself down to raise others up. I've tried so hard, all my life, to be everything I'm not just to please everyone around me. I've buried myself so deep down beneath layers of crap, that I honestly don't really know much about who I really am.
And after working so intensely these past months to dig out that ME that's somewhere inside me, I managed to drown all that work during these past weeks beneath those layers of crap again.
And now I'm back to apologizing for being a part of this world.
This past week my progress has gone from moving forward at a decent pace, to a slow halt, and then finally taking several steps back. A lot of the things I've worked hard for have slipped away from me this past week, and it's extremely frustrating. I've had a serious setback.
But, at least I have realized a couple of things, if nothing else.
You know, I was out drinking yesterday, and my god how I had missed going out. A bit strange, really, that I've gotten to such a point where I actually miss going out and being social, considering how anti-social I've been about 90% of my life. But, yeah, I had missed it. Though, I had trouble getting back into things, for some strange reason.
First off, last night almost didn't happen at all. I called a friend of mine, whom I always party with, and she was sick. She couldn't party with me. And my plans for the night died, which fuled that sadfaced virus that's been sucking on me this past week, and I totally hit the wall. Luckily, in the middle of my despair and going down dark roads of heavy thoughts, my sister called me and wanted me to come join her and her cousin. Literally saved my night, that did.
We had a lot of fun, and it turned into a rather big party after a while before we all went out. My sister's cousin (whom used to be my best friend when I was just a little kid, and whom I've always had a small crush on) was pretty drunk, and I ended up watching over her the entire night. I didn't really mind, cause she's nice, but somehow my night just turned out really weird. After she left, I did a quiet round around the club, before I walked home.
And that's when the alcohol decided it was time to punch that sadfaced virus of mine, and I had a typical drunk crying moment that lasted all the way from the gas station to my apartment, and halfway through eating the burger I had bought at the gas station. When I finally crawled into bed, I was totally beat.
Why was I crying? Because I hated myself. I got out my masks again last night, and the fact that I did was a fact that I hate. It was that submissive mask. The one I put on when I let the entire world dominate me and walk all over me, and I apologize for not being more pleasant to walk all over. Definitely the mask I hate the most, that. Met a guy that remembered me from back in the days when I used to work at a school cafeteria, and he kept calling me Anette, like most people had done that night. My name is Anett, and yet I didn't right him, or anyone else, the entire night. I didn't want them to feel bad for using the wrong name.
And at the gas station, I more or less apologized for every little thing I said and did. They work there, late at night, during the weekends, and they know that the only customers they'll be getting are drunk ones wanting burger. And I stood there, apologizing for ordering food in my drunk state. I apologized when I had to ask if the soda that came with the burger was the bottle kind or the cup kind. I was inches away from apologizing for breathing, or even existing at all. When I got my food, I aplogized for bothering them and slipped out the door as quickly and quietly as I possibly could, and made my way home.
I spent most of last night just apologizing.
Want to know a fun fact about me and how far I tend to stretch just to please others? I've tried hard to gain weight, just so that someone who had issues with their own weight would feel skinny next to me. I try to look ugly, so anyone with issues with their appearance will feel pretty next to me. I act dumb, just so that others can feel smart.
Earlier this week I bought a pair of jeans one size too big, cause me and my sister were trying them on in the same dressing room and that was the size she needed, and I know she has issues with her weight and her body so I didn't want her to feel bad by buying the jeans in a smaller size than she did.
My sister is so amazingly beautiful, and there is absolutely no part of her that is overweight in any way. I think she looks perfect. But she doesn't believe that, cause she's brainwashed by how the public displays "beauty" and is constantly trying to lose weight to meet those idiotic ideals. My ex was just like that, and probably still is. Weight issues. Caused by stupid idiots with a fucked up idea of what beauty is. Ticks me off, it does.
But, yeah, I do the same around my sister as I used to do around my ex. I try to be fat and ugly so that she can feel skinny and pretty.
I don't really know what to say about this. Honestly. I have no idea. This is how I've been my entire life. Apologizing for existing, and putting myself down to raise others up. I've tried so hard, all my life, to be everything I'm not just to please everyone around me. I've buried myself so deep down beneath layers of crap, that I honestly don't really know much about who I really am.
And after working so intensely these past months to dig out that ME that's somewhere inside me, I managed to drown all that work during these past weeks beneath those layers of crap again.
And now I'm back to apologizing for being a part of this world.
12. mars 2012
Silent patch
I've been having a bad week, so I don't really have much progress to write about. I think I might be PMSing really bad, cause one moment I'm really irritated and everyone annoys me, while the other I'm curled up on my couch and crying my eyes out for no reason at all. And I've been like that an entire week. And this weekend, all I did was shut myself in and drown myself in self pity, chocolate, and god damned ponies. I curse the one who invented that addictive crap, ugh! I'm so pony-poisoned, that the voices in my head are starting to sound like Applejack!
I need a cure. Fast.
I am trying to remind myself that it's okay to have bad days, cause I have a bad habit of forgetting, but it's difficult to hammer it into my head when I'm feeling down. This flu really got to me, in every bad way possible, and it's nearly been driving me over the edge. Next weekend I'mma go out and have some fun, cause I think I need it now. And I definitely need to do something about my apartment!
Uch, when I'm in a bad mood, chaotic mess goes from being slightly bad to being a disaster around me. This place looks like a bomb went off! Or two! Or quite possibly three! My god, I need to fix that. Last week I actually managed to clear out my wardrobe and purge it. Got a large load of clothes I can store away until I get a bigger place, so now my wardrobe is neatly organized and a bit more empty. So, now I can finally cross that off my list of things to do, which made me feel pretty good.
I think maybe I'll take this week to try and tidy up the chaotic mess I've created when I've been so down, cause as it is right now I wouldn't even let my own mum visit me. It looks bad.
I'm not sure why I've been so down. My best guess is PMS, cause I've been eating a lot as well. It's as if I'm always hungry, and that's typical of my PMSing. There really isn't anything else it could be, anyway, though I have to admit that I haven't really tried sitting down to search inside myself to see if there's anything bothering me. Which is... Probably a bad thing. I did, after all, promise myself that I'd start caring about myself, and that this year was all about ME. So, yeah, maybe I should take a moment to figure out if this really is PMS, or if it's something else.
Though, to be perfectly honest, the more I think about it the more it feels like there's something bothering me. I just can't seem to figure out what. I suppose I've just met another "silent patch". You know, those rest stops on your road where you seem to be standing still and making no progress at all. Cause I honestly don't feel like I'm moving forward at all right now.
You know what? I need to take a silent week. Just tidy up the apartment, and do some intense soul searching, to see if I can't find my way back onto my path again. And then, when the weekend comes, I'll go out and dance and have some fun, and just get all the bad stuff out of my system.
That, my dear, sounds like a plan!
I need a cure. Fast.
I am trying to remind myself that it's okay to have bad days, cause I have a bad habit of forgetting, but it's difficult to hammer it into my head when I'm feeling down. This flu really got to me, in every bad way possible, and it's nearly been driving me over the edge. Next weekend I'mma go out and have some fun, cause I think I need it now. And I definitely need to do something about my apartment!
Uch, when I'm in a bad mood, chaotic mess goes from being slightly bad to being a disaster around me. This place looks like a bomb went off! Or two! Or quite possibly three! My god, I need to fix that. Last week I actually managed to clear out my wardrobe and purge it. Got a large load of clothes I can store away until I get a bigger place, so now my wardrobe is neatly organized and a bit more empty. So, now I can finally cross that off my list of things to do, which made me feel pretty good.
I think maybe I'll take this week to try and tidy up the chaotic mess I've created when I've been so down, cause as it is right now I wouldn't even let my own mum visit me. It looks bad.
I'm not sure why I've been so down. My best guess is PMS, cause I've been eating a lot as well. It's as if I'm always hungry, and that's typical of my PMSing. There really isn't anything else it could be, anyway, though I have to admit that I haven't really tried sitting down to search inside myself to see if there's anything bothering me. Which is... Probably a bad thing. I did, after all, promise myself that I'd start caring about myself, and that this year was all about ME. So, yeah, maybe I should take a moment to figure out if this really is PMS, or if it's something else.
Though, to be perfectly honest, the more I think about it the more it feels like there's something bothering me. I just can't seem to figure out what. I suppose I've just met another "silent patch". You know, those rest stops on your road where you seem to be standing still and making no progress at all. Cause I honestly don't feel like I'm moving forward at all right now.
You know what? I need to take a silent week. Just tidy up the apartment, and do some intense soul searching, to see if I can't find my way back onto my path again. And then, when the weekend comes, I'll go out and dance and have some fun, and just get all the bad stuff out of my system.
That, my dear, sounds like a plan!
5. mars 2012
Sex and the Alternative
How often do you masturbate?
And why?
I do it every night, and I do it for all the wrong reasons. I've never really enjoyed it, and I've never done it because I was turned on or needed to let out some sexual frustration. To me, it's pure business. I do it to make my body relax so I might sleep better at night, and for no other reason. I might also do it if I'm really tense, also to relax my body. There's nothing sexual about it, for me at least. Sure, that exact moment when I have an orgasm is pleasant, that I'm gonna be honest about, but working my way towards it and how I feel afterward is anything but pleasant. It's just tiresome. So, yeah, pure business.
Just like sex in general, really. I rarely enjoy sex, even though I might pretend to. Yeah, sure, I may come off as a very sexual being, mainly because I have the dirtiest mind ever. I can turn even the most innocent things into sexual innuendos. I'm just that skilled. But, despite that, I have never been a fan of sex. I do it to satisfy others, not myself. Sure, I do have my periods of "sexual highs", as I call them, when I'm superhorny and nearly jump people out of pure sexial frustration. But, those are rare, and years pass between them. No, sex just isn't my thing. I don't feel comfortable having it.
Not sure why I'm like this. But I've always been this way. Okay, no, I kind of lie now. Around women, ever since I was a little girl, I've always had trouble keeping my hands to myself. Women turn me on just by looking at me. Though, I'll be honest and admit that I'm not as experienced as people may think when it comes to actual sex with a woman. I'm... Shy. But I've had my share, that I have, so I know a thing or two. And still, even with women, I tend to shy away from sex. Even though I enjoy them, I rarely enjoy sex. If that makes any sense at all. Truth be told, I can count on one hand how many times I've managed to feel comfortable and enjoy having sex with someone. And considering how much sex I've actually had in my life, that says a lot. Cause, despite disliking it, I have had a lot of it.
I aim to please?
I don't know.
But what I do know is that sex is a topic that, despite what I let people believe, I kind of dislike. Well, that is, if the topic is scentered around getting me into bed there and then or in the near future. I can easily talk about sex I've already had, but thinking or talking about having sex sometime in the future just freaks me out. It even freaks me out when people hit on me, or try to touch me. Or, rather, when men do it. I'm okay with women hitting on me, but then again, I'm okay with most things involving women, lol.
Basically, sexual stuff and men. Bad combo.
I really am a lesbian, no matter how much I don't want to be. *le sigh*
That aside, I see that more and more often I am a day late with my entries to this blog. Either I'm busy, away, sick, or hung over on sundays, and I just don't get around to actually getting up the entries I've got planned - or have started writing on. I'm starting to think that maybe I'll try and do my updates on mondays from now on, so as not to feel really bad about myself for not posting anything on sundays. Cause, yeah, I really do feel bad. Last night, after going to bed, I remembered that I had forgotten about my blog (I spent the weekend with my folks, cause I was sick and cause me and mum had some appointments together), and I felt absolutely horrible. Though I'm not really sure why.
So, yeah, I'm considering moving my weekly updates to mondays. But I'm gonna wait and see what happens before deciding. If I manage to do updates on the next two sundays, then I'll stick to that, but if I'm a day late the next couple of weeks as well, then I'll just move my updates and start doing them on mondays instead. We'll see, we'll see.
Okay, so, this weekend there was an alternative, uh, fair? Mass? Mess? I don't know what it's called in English, lol. But, anyway, there was a lot of people having stands where they did psychic readings and sold fancy stuff, and of course I had to attend. I was actually supposed to have a stand there myself, but I was too slow to get one, so I'll just do it next year instead. I really do love alternative stuff, mainly because I am a practitioner myself. I do readings in cards. And I'm pretty good. Still working on training my abilities - they're vast, but untrained - and this weekend I bought a set of stone runes that I'm going to learn how to use. That'll be interesting.
And not only that, but we had some famous faces as well. One was Lilli Bendriss, whom is a famous psychic here in Norway, and she had her own stand. I talked very briefly to her, about some necklaces she was selling, and was shaking as a leaf when I walked from there. Lol, I'm not good at talking to famous people. The other was our country's princess, Märtha Louise, with her partner, Elisabeth Nordeng. They run an "angel school" called Astarte Education, where they teach people to use their abilities and make contact with their guardian angels. The two of them were having a presentation called "Standing in the Storm" this sunday, and the day before they were selling and signing their books. Of course, me and mum got their books and got them signed. Kind of neat to stand in front of the princess like that. And the presentation they had were really good! It was inspiring and motivating, and urging us all to find ourselves, accept that person for who she/he is, and be that person 100%. It was exactly the kind of presentation I needed these days, considering what I'm in the middle of doing.
All in all, I really enjoyed this weekend, despite being sick. It brought me a lot of motivation, when it comes to finding myself, and when it comes to training my own abilities. Becuase, no matter how you look at it, my abilities is a large part of who I am. I'm extremely spiritual, and I'm very drawn to alternative things such as paranormal stuff and psychic stuff. It's a part of my identity, and I feel that it is important to me to honour that side of me by not hiding it from the world. I shouldn't be concerned about what others think about me and my abilities, and instead be proud of them! What others believe, is their business. I just need to concentrate on believing in myself.
I won't deny myself, or who I am. Not anymore.
And why?
I do it every night, and I do it for all the wrong reasons. I've never really enjoyed it, and I've never done it because I was turned on or needed to let out some sexual frustration. To me, it's pure business. I do it to make my body relax so I might sleep better at night, and for no other reason. I might also do it if I'm really tense, also to relax my body. There's nothing sexual about it, for me at least. Sure, that exact moment when I have an orgasm is pleasant, that I'm gonna be honest about, but working my way towards it and how I feel afterward is anything but pleasant. It's just tiresome. So, yeah, pure business.
Just like sex in general, really. I rarely enjoy sex, even though I might pretend to. Yeah, sure, I may come off as a very sexual being, mainly because I have the dirtiest mind ever. I can turn even the most innocent things into sexual innuendos. I'm just that skilled. But, despite that, I have never been a fan of sex. I do it to satisfy others, not myself. Sure, I do have my periods of "sexual highs", as I call them, when I'm superhorny and nearly jump people out of pure sexial frustration. But, those are rare, and years pass between them. No, sex just isn't my thing. I don't feel comfortable having it.
Not sure why I'm like this. But I've always been this way. Okay, no, I kind of lie now. Around women, ever since I was a little girl, I've always had trouble keeping my hands to myself. Women turn me on just by looking at me. Though, I'll be honest and admit that I'm not as experienced as people may think when it comes to actual sex with a woman. I'm... Shy. But I've had my share, that I have, so I know a thing or two. And still, even with women, I tend to shy away from sex. Even though I enjoy them, I rarely enjoy sex. If that makes any sense at all. Truth be told, I can count on one hand how many times I've managed to feel comfortable and enjoy having sex with someone. And considering how much sex I've actually had in my life, that says a lot. Cause, despite disliking it, I have had a lot of it.
I aim to please?
I don't know.
But what I do know is that sex is a topic that, despite what I let people believe, I kind of dislike. Well, that is, if the topic is scentered around getting me into bed there and then or in the near future. I can easily talk about sex I've already had, but thinking or talking about having sex sometime in the future just freaks me out. It even freaks me out when people hit on me, or try to touch me. Or, rather, when men do it. I'm okay with women hitting on me, but then again, I'm okay with most things involving women, lol.
Basically, sexual stuff and men. Bad combo.
I really am a lesbian, no matter how much I don't want to be. *le sigh*
That aside, I see that more and more often I am a day late with my entries to this blog. Either I'm busy, away, sick, or hung over on sundays, and I just don't get around to actually getting up the entries I've got planned - or have started writing on. I'm starting to think that maybe I'll try and do my updates on mondays from now on, so as not to feel really bad about myself for not posting anything on sundays. Cause, yeah, I really do feel bad. Last night, after going to bed, I remembered that I had forgotten about my blog (I spent the weekend with my folks, cause I was sick and cause me and mum had some appointments together), and I felt absolutely horrible. Though I'm not really sure why.
So, yeah, I'm considering moving my weekly updates to mondays. But I'm gonna wait and see what happens before deciding. If I manage to do updates on the next two sundays, then I'll stick to that, but if I'm a day late the next couple of weeks as well, then I'll just move my updates and start doing them on mondays instead. We'll see, we'll see.
Okay, so, this weekend there was an alternative, uh, fair? Mass? Mess? I don't know what it's called in English, lol. But, anyway, there was a lot of people having stands where they did psychic readings and sold fancy stuff, and of course I had to attend. I was actually supposed to have a stand there myself, but I was too slow to get one, so I'll just do it next year instead. I really do love alternative stuff, mainly because I am a practitioner myself. I do readings in cards. And I'm pretty good. Still working on training my abilities - they're vast, but untrained - and this weekend I bought a set of stone runes that I'm going to learn how to use. That'll be interesting.
And not only that, but we had some famous faces as well. One was Lilli Bendriss, whom is a famous psychic here in Norway, and she had her own stand. I talked very briefly to her, about some necklaces she was selling, and was shaking as a leaf when I walked from there. Lol, I'm not good at talking to famous people. The other was our country's princess, Märtha Louise, with her partner, Elisabeth Nordeng. They run an "angel school" called Astarte Education, where they teach people to use their abilities and make contact with their guardian angels. The two of them were having a presentation called "Standing in the Storm" this sunday, and the day before they were selling and signing their books. Of course, me and mum got their books and got them signed. Kind of neat to stand in front of the princess like that. And the presentation they had were really good! It was inspiring and motivating, and urging us all to find ourselves, accept that person for who she/he is, and be that person 100%. It was exactly the kind of presentation I needed these days, considering what I'm in the middle of doing.
All in all, I really enjoyed this weekend, despite being sick. It brought me a lot of motivation, when it comes to finding myself, and when it comes to training my own abilities. Becuase, no matter how you look at it, my abilities is a large part of who I am. I'm extremely spiritual, and I'm very drawn to alternative things such as paranormal stuff and psychic stuff. It's a part of my identity, and I feel that it is important to me to honour that side of me by not hiding it from the world. I shouldn't be concerned about what others think about me and my abilities, and instead be proud of them! What others believe, is their business. I just need to concentrate on believing in myself.
I won't deny myself, or who I am. Not anymore.
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